Tired

I know my legs have been more tired than they were this morning, but I don’t know if I’ve experienced more reluctance to work out based on fatigue like I did this morning.  I rode fairly hard for 3 hours yesterday.  I also did jack shit to help my recovery after the ride so I shouldn’t be surprised that I paid for it today.

What I wrote last Friday still applies.  Even more now.  I was excited to go outwith someone this weekend but of course it didn’t work out. I was excited to be building fitness and felt like I had really crushed my ride but my average speeds were low and this morning’s run was excruciating in spite of it being 30% shorter than it should have been.  I need to work really hard on not tying anything about how I feel to anything external if I want to be successful and happy with life and with this triathlon.  The question must more often be “am I doing what I need to be doing  for the future to be better/faster, and am I enjoying it?” rather than “am I happy and satisfied with everything right now?”

Some other things:

–I’m still tired of and irritated by my irritation over not meeting new friends.  I’m also tired of being irritated by some old friends who, it turns out, really weren’t very good friends at all. Externalities….
–I’m tired.  I’d thought the intense tiredness of two weeks ago was gone and I’d adjusted somewhat to this training schedule.  Turns out I was wrong.
–This annoying little shitty elbow is going to be a constant companion and I’m tired of it.  I went to the doc on Friday and had some xrays done and got poked a lot.  They found where it hurts, then poked like 24 more times to make sure they had the spot.  Why do doctors do that?  It’s like they test it 3 or 4 times to make sure they have the right spot, then move it all around and hit it another 3 or 4 times, then they have 2 other doctors do the same thing before they do it over again.  YOU ALL AGREED RIGHT AWAY “It’s not torn or detached.”  WHY ARE YOU STILL JAMMING YOUR FINGERS IN THERE?!…………..  Anyway, the verdict is tendinitis – physical therapy.  Luckily, the PT clinic is partnered with my run club and nearby.  Maybe if my knee needs physical therapy too I can get them to bill my insurance for massages after runs.
–I’ve been having trouble sleeping.  I fight it because I’m unhappy and I hate going to sleep unhappy.  It’s not quite like the full blown insomnia I’ve had in the past but it’s getting there.  I lay there thinking about the things that make me unhappy and then it’s 2 hours later and I’m angry that I’m not sleeping (and still unhappy).  Often this leads to eating (which I need to not be doing between 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m.) or drinking alcohol (which is just going to ruin the quality of whatever sleep I DO get).
–I’m scared of the triathlon.  I go between excitement and fearful desperation.  It’s a really long distance.  It’s going to be really hard.  I’m not sure if I am going to be able to make it.
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