I wrote this back on February 22 but never did any editing. I can’t say for sure what the original intent was, but I still think the ideas have merit, and I don’t have to run any of my shit by an approval committee.
Originally titled: “Online Dating Sucks. So do Millennials”
I realize I do… or at least used to do online dating, and I’m a millennial.
But they both still suck.
It seems a lot like online dating has reduced most people to what I call “well, I mean…”- behavior, which millennials have turned into an art form…
“Well, I mean… we weren’t actually officially dating because we never talked specifically about that so technically I didn’t really cheat on you.” Okay, if you want to assuage your guilt over having acted like you were completely invested when you weren’t, so that you could get what you wanted, that’s fine. Factually, you’re right. But you’re still a shitty-ass person. You knew you were doing something wrong. Go fuck yourself.
“Well, I mean…. If different guys want to take me out to dinner every night of the week, that’s their decision. I’m not forcing them to buy me dinner.” Right, again, I can’t argue with the facts here, but is it really equitable to treat many random guys as a meal ticket? Way to be a shitbag to the dudes who aren’t worthless. Also, if you want to create more equity in society, maybe don’t propagate this particular type of INequity? You know you’re being selfish and taking advantage of people. Go fuck yourself.
“Well, I mean…. I told her that I’d go out with her again, but I didn’t really want to so I just ghosted. I guess that’s not the best but it happens all the time.” Okay, now you’re literally admitting that you’re doing something shitty but justifying it by saying other people do it all the time. You know it’s shitty. Go fuck yourself.
“Well, I mean… You didn’t ask me if I was planning a trip with someone else or about my relationship with that person.” Okay, Do you honestly think that information would NOT have been relevant to someone you have been seeing for a while? Again, if you’re doing gymnastics to relieve yourself of responsibility… Go fuck yourself.
The advent of online dating has made people even worse. Sure, to some degree, it CAN be whatever you make of it, but most people seem to make it a “what’s in it for me” thing, or a “maybe I can do better” thing, rather than a “get to know a person for real” kind of thing. That sort of screws it up for anyone who isn’t a shitbag. Millennials, your short fucking attention spans, and the fact that the internet enables you to avoid consequences of impulse dating is not an excuse for being a shitty person. Go fuck yourself.
People… Seriously, just don’t do shit that you wouldn’t want someone to do to you. That’s it. Ask yourself if you would feel okay with things if the roles were reversed. It’s really not that hard to be decent to one another so why are we stooping to the lowest possible level? Just because being a dick to someone carries less consequence than it used to and it’s easy to replace someone with just a swipe doesn’t make it more acceptable. Just be honest. Just be real. Or go fuck yourself.
If you’re not sure how involved you want to get, don’t fuck someone. And if you aren’t sure but you still want to fuck, say that. Having the decency to actually speak up is the ONLY hard part about saying something like “Hey, I’m attracted to you and I’d like to keep this spark going, but also, I’m not sure if I see it fanning into a flame just yet.” or “Hey, I like what we have going on and want to continue, but just want you to know that I’m also still seeing other people.” or “Hey, sorry, but you just aren’t my person.” At least give someone a chance to make an informed decision for themselves. Some people DO actually do that. If you’re not adult enough to be able to, go fuck yourself.
In summary: If you lie or play games with the truth, go fuck yourself. If you take advantage of people, go fuck yourself. If you ghost people, go fuck yourself. If you are insincere with dating, go fuck yourself. If you do things to other people that you wouldn’t want to have done to you, go fuck yourself. And finally, if you’re not adult enough to be up front with others… GO FUCK YOURSELF
Also, millennials who hang out in the lap lanes at a gym pool and socialize like your at the beach? Get the fuck out of my way. I come here to do work. Go Fuck Yourselves.